Live and learn. I started writing this blog over two months ago. I went back to edit what I wrote several times. Apparently, I need to learn to edit less and just hit the publish tab, because the entire blog disappeared and is nowhere to be found. I wondered if this was a sign that I should not be blogging. I wondered if this was a sign that I should have known better than to try to do something that was dependent on technology. I am, after all, writing “mid-life” reflections, and one of the characteristics of me at mid-life is not keeping track of things as well as I once did, especially with technology! I decided, with some encouragement, that I should do what I have always done when obstacles appeared before me. Persevere. Carry on. Fight back. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.
So, this will be my attempt to recreate the first blog I wrote. The truth is that nobody reading this has any idea what the first blog said, and they could certainly live without it, but to me, it was important stuff. I mean, that’s why I am writing the blog in the first place, right? It is important to me. I’m not even sure when or if I will share my blog writing. That’s why I lost the post I wrote over a month ago. I was trying to muster up enough courage to post it to the public. So I kept going back over it and making changes here and there. Ruminating over it needlessly. Reading it a hundred times and questioning myself about the content and the placement of every word. Wondering if anyone would read it or if it mattered to me if anyone did read it.Well, of course it does, or I wouldn’t be worrying about sharing it.
My initial post was a tribute of sorts to the people who have inspired me to write a blog in the first place. Most of them are unaware that they were inspiring me. I think people underestimate themselves in that way. Especially women. There were many people who were nudging me to write, just by being in my life. A co-worker, Vikki, an aspiring writer herself, has been talking with me a lot recently about finding time to just write! My friend and pastor, Dorisanne, has been writing on her Caring Bridge page weekly as she navigates cancer and chemo. It has been so powerful and, selfishly, comforting to read her entries and know how she is doing without pestering her. My friend and fellow Jazzercise instructor, Susan, has started a wonderful parenting blog and I have enjoyed reading about her experiences and her thoughts. My cousin, Annette, a real live published author and blog writer, has truly inspired me as I have been catching up on her life through her writing about her mom and her life with dementia, and all that I have missed from not keeping in touch with them over the years. My two dear friends, Donna and Khristine, who honestly, encourage me to do many things in my life that they think will benefit me, including writing. Another co-worker, Linda J (the “other Mrs. J”), who is also a published children’s author and has recently shared her blog writing with me. Last, but definitely not least, my friend and fellow El Salvador traveler, Margaret, who writes a blog that is touching, funny and brutally honest.
I have also researched blog writing, trying to see if there are hard fast rules. You know, do’s and dont’s. Maybe that’s the teacher in me. I’m generally not much of a rule follower, so I quickly decided that it really didn’t matter. It was my blog. People could choose to read it or not. If they criticized my writing, then I would know that they were not people I really needed to hear from in the first place. For me, blogging is a way to process my thoughts and reflections. I tend to have a brain full of thoughts, 24/7, and I am constantly reflecting on my work, my relationships, and what I should be doing in this world.
So I am doing it. I am blogging. My stacks of papers and notebooks and journals and scrapbooks may actually turn into something a little more organized. Maybe.