Posted in Reflections At Mid-Life

The Show Must Go On

So clearly the biggest challenge for me in writing a blog is making time to write. I have plenty of thoughts that I want to get down on paper (is this considered paper?), so that is not stopping me. In fact, I probably have too many thoughts bouncing around in my head.

One of my closest friends, Donna, asked me what I was considering writing about in my blog. I shared with her the inspiring quote that Dorisanne, our amazing pastor, had mentioned in her sermon on a recent Sunday morning. It went something like this:

“We always have a backstage view of ourselves, yet the audience (others in our lives) have the third row view.” | Garrison Keillor

I resonated with this quote instantly and I could not stop thinking about it. Donna asked me if she has been privy to my backstage view. Without much hesitation, I said, “No.” As a matter of fact, I don’t think I have ever let anyone come completely backstage with me. Imagine that. Donna has been a close friend for over twenty years. We have been through the births of children, raising children, advocating for children and families, trips to the beach, thousands of miles of walking or hiking together, and still, I wouldn’t consider allowing her a full backstage view. Some therapist could make a mint off of me! I have lived fifty-six years only letting most of my audience see my supposed neatly arranged stage in my life. Certainly, there are some people who have been in the front row and maybe get to peek backstage on occasion. Especially Clark, both Austin and Callie, and a few close friends. But behind the curtain all kinds of things are lying around: hurts, guilt, failures, shame and even some celebrations.  There have been a couple of times in my adult life when I admitted, to a select few, that I needed to have help dealing with my hurts, failure and shame. And I still need to work on accepting celebrations about myself. Some have seen a glimpse of my backstage life, but I quickly recovered and sent them back to the front row, close enough to where I knew I could reach them at a moments notice if needed. There are some future blog posts that will come out of this. I can just feel it…

There are several different directions I can go with this blogging adventure. I wondered if I could have different sections since there is a “category” option on the blog site I am using. When I saw that option it felt like a blessing and a curse, which seems to be a recurring theme in my life. One one hand, I was energized by the notion that I could write about all of different ideas I have kicked around for years. On the other hand, my practical side was begging for some boundaries to reign me in. Hmmm. That’s another recurring theme in my life. Now I am thinking that if I can get the courage to press the “publish” button and send my blogs out to my family and friends, then I could just take requests for writing topics. What if I list the topics, and anyone who takes the time to read my blogs can cast a vote. I realize that some writing, such as my first few blog entries, will be my random thoughts as I sort through the when, how and why questions I have about writing a blog. I also realize that so much of my writing and the topics I am considering are all focused around specific people in my life (does make anyone reading this feel nervous?) and reflections or learnings I have from particular events or times in my life. So, who better than to help me focus on a topic than the people in the first three rows?

My list is below. All of the topics come from my personal reflections on life from my newly found Mid-Life perspective.

• Lessons learned from teaching. I have over thirty years of  notes, memories and stories about my students and their families. They have all shaped who I am today.

• The ripple effect. Donna brought this up last week. The importance of relationships for me and leaving ripples wherever I go.

• Family / childhood memories. I started a book of these for A & C a long time ago.

• Advocacy for children, families and public education commentary

• Random everyday observations and thoughts

Okay, no pressure, but go ahead and cast a vote. I plan to keep writing whether you do or not, but I do look forward to your feedback.